Share Your Story

Living life on life’s terms is hard. It is hard to accept some of the things that happen to us. We want to rush through life or have an answer for everything. For what? The end result is the same for all of us. But what we endure along the way, makes us each so different.

Whether we eat healthy, work out and do all of the “right” things…there is no telling what will happen next. Life is so odd that way.

This is why I am so interested in everyone’s “story”. We all have one. Good or bad, I find each person so unique given the story behind them.

Life gives each of us a personal book. Full of twists and turns, humor and dark chapters. Some more than others. Honestly, sometimes I kick myself for not asking my mom to write more about her life because boy, was she a wild one.

I am not someone you would pin as “loud and outgoing”. No, I am more of the “read your emotions” kind. Or, a people watcher. Watcher of all the people, if ya will. (Haha)

I can sit in a mall and give each person a back story just solely based on their actions I see. Yes, I know I am probably never right. But isn’t it fun to guess? I think we all hit a point in life where we just wonder what the heck we are here for. What is the point in all of this? But I suppose that is the beauty of living life on “life’s terms“. We never know what is happening next for us really. I guess this is why I chose to start sharing my story. A story in which almost ended way too early. Maybe one day my children will read the things I have wrote and understand mom was just as human and full of emotion just as anyone else. We are all in this crazy roller coaster ride of life together and sometimes we just need to feel like our story is worth being told. Yes, we are all human and share the same emotions. But I am interested in what made you the way you are. The things that make you, YOU.

So, tell me a part of your story you are proud of . Heck, even something you may not be proud of, but it made you who you are.

Because our stories are meant to be shared.

-Lyndsi

Give my Pinterest page a follow!

The Hard Days

Some days are just better than others. Today was not one of those days. I wanted to give up today. Nothing I did seemed right. Everything I have worked so hard for..I wanted to just say “screw it!”

The person I am today has spent so much time “fixing” everything past me has messed up. And today, I just lost it.

I cried. I cried hard. I’m talking the gross, snotty tears that you cry so hard it takes a minute to catch your breath kind of stuff.

Trying to repair myself and life all at once has been costly. Not only meaning money wise, but mentally, emotionally and physically. As if it wasn’t bad enough on my marriage and children…my addictions took a toll on my overall health. I am constantly in a battle of which problem to tackle next on my health. “Should I go to the dentist or doctor this month?”, “My teeth hurt, but I should check on my stomach issues.” Each month it’s like there is something new. I know I did these things to myself, but when you are an addict these problems are last on your list. You think “I’ll take care of that when it gets here.” Well Lyndsi, it’s here. I know, I swore not to dwell on my past self, but man has she consumed me today!

It wasn’t until my daughter came in to give me a LEGO heart that her and her brother made for me that I really caught my breath.

My children have literally been through it all with me. My son even more so. We have done a lot of growing up together in his short ten years. I have done a a pretty good job at keeping my emotions to myself lately…until today.

I know they don’t truly understand, but the way they only wanted to help mom smile tells me I have got to be doing something right.

I can’t just give up. I am doing this life for them.

Yes, some days are going to be better than others, but there is still one goal. To live a life I am proud of. If that means crying my eyeballs out on a Monday afternoon and then conquering my Tuesday morning, I am here for it.

Lyndsi

I’m not exactly sure when it all clicked for me, or what I was doing that day. But one day I finally felt a little better. If I had to guess.. it comes down to three simple things.

  • Have a positive influence. Having someone who sees what a beautiful human you are and truly knows there is something wonderful under all that chaos to be discovered. If you don’t have a “person” BECOME that person. Read something positive, give yourself pep talks, scroll through positive quotes on Facebook all day. Do whatever YOU need to have something positive in your life. Everyone needs someone to tell them its all going to be alright in the end. Thankfully I have two. My husband- whom I’ve let down more times than I can count, and my best friend- the one person who has been by my side through every stage of my crazy life.
  • Motivation. Why do you want to become better? What keeps you pushing and coming back for more in this world? What exactly is it that keep those feet sturdy on the ground and moving forward? For me, it will always be my children. Even when I made the worst decisions as a mother. The endless days and months I let them down. They still looked at me with loving eyes for guidance. That is my greatest motivation.
  • The Will. You have to have the will to to learn more. You have to realize you have been repeating the same actions over and over again and its getting the same crap results. The will to not only survive as a human but to THRIVE. My will had to be dug up from the very pit I buried it in. I had given up. Given up on myself, my marriage and my life. I thought I was already too far gone. It seemed like it wasn’t until I allowed myself to believe there was positive in my life, that I started to see change.

I’m no expert but I believe with everything in me that these are the very reasons I am who I am right now in this chapter of my life. When I finally allowed myself to let in the good and learn a new way of living is the day I started to enjoy the person I am becoming.

-Lyndsi

That’s A Huge…BRIDGE!

(Catch my “Deuce Bigalo” pun!?)

So, since my husband has been working in Arizona, we have lived in Arizona and Nevada most of Covid (yikes). With all of the restrictions on things we hadn’t been able to see the Hoover Dam. Well, up until a couple weeks ago you couldn’t. And to be honest, I was perfectly content about not ever seeing it. I’m terribly afraid of heights…and bridges…something about falling to my death somehow or someway takes over me. Also, the whole dad suicide thing gives me the quivers as well.

Anyway, my husband had been religiously keeping up on when they will open back up to the public. He’s seen it before when he was younger and wanted to experience with us. Obviously I couldn’t hold him or the kids back from this once in a lifetime chance for a lot of people. Even me.

Well after sun screening the sh*t out of my face and kids, we were off on yet another Runge adventure.

Y’all, I made it up the stair walk and little informative tunnels up to the bridge and I was done. The noises of the flying passing semis and the thought of walking right beside it all consumed me. All of this..just to look over the side of one of the tallest dang bridges I’ve ever come across…stopped my mom britches in their tracks.

Yep. I chickened out. I did not go to the look over on the bridge AND I nearly held my daughter back from going as well. I’m not sure why but my anxiety about the heights made my mama heart think she was in danger and I told her to stay beside me. My poor baby cried because she wanted to go with her brother and dad. I knew my fears were irrational so, I stayed back and had the husband hold her hand tightly.

The pure excitement on my girls face when they came marching back to me was priceless. And to think she almost missed it because of my irrational fears…ugh. (Just one more reason to continue working on myself!)

The view from the bridge over Hoover Dam

We went ahead and finished up our day adventure by driving on down to the dam and taking the walk from the Nevada side down to the Arizona side. I must say, it was some of the most amazing views I had ever seen.

Though, I made sure to stay furthest from the sides of the wall to hinder my anxiety, I still took in the certain “awe” you get from being on and around something so massive.

All in all, the day was one for the books. My kids got to see some amazing structures and learn about the Hoover Dam. My husband got to finally check this off his to-do list and well I…I got the chance to be present and in the moment with them all.

My kids may not realize it but these are the memories and adventures I keep pushing myself for. The reason I wake up each day and try a little harder. I want these memories to be something they pull out to talk to their kids and grand children about.

I get a new chance every day to live in these moments. I am nowhere near where I want to be, but I am better than who I was yesterday, and she is a hell of a lot better than who I was just two years ago.

Bridge over dam that I did not walk on!
The dam looking down from bridge.
At least I got pictures with them on the dam!
My reasons for being better, taking in some awesome views.
My husband and I in front of the dam bridge 😉

Love the views? Check out this awesome drone that will ABSOLUTELY help you capture those amazing, breathtaking views.

Give my Pinterest page a follow!

Always “More”

The funny thing about addiction is..you really don’t fully comprehend how bad it is until you truly want better.

I tried for what seemed like forever to become “fully” sober. But as I became less and less indulged in active addiction I found myself grasping for anything that would just take the edge off a smidge.

In and out of smoke shops trying new “legal” substances that would take me somewhere I had no business being anymore; high.

Taking a pill here and there to just “calm my nerves” knowing damn good and well my body and addiction never would allow “just one.”

I had to fully give up the life I lived for so long to truly live a life I want to stay sober in.

Recovery wasn’t as fast as it looked to outsiders. I battled my demons alone as I always have.

But this time I came out on top.

I was finally able to stop grasping for something more and hold on to what I had.

-Lyndsi

Top Three Personal Growth MUSTS for Better Mental Health

See, I’ve had a very “blah” last couple of days. I get this way often. But something was so different about the last three weeks that my mind had suddenly felt a little calmer..maybe even a peaceful place to be for now.

Today though, it was not one of the “good” days. My anxiety and negative thoughts got the best of me. I didn’t want to continue this writing or trying my hand at this blog thing at all. I told myself I was a failure and I’m not good at anything.

Today I don’t have a wild RV adventure to share with you. I spent my day pulling myself out of my funk by reminding myself how far I have come and why. So I decided to share what I wrote down in my notes folder in my phone that has helped me grow as a stronger person, mother and wife. Like I said it’s been one Hell of a ride.

  • Keep your personal and relationship issues to yourself. Unless you’re having a heart to heart with your best friend..never allow someone else to gossip about your hardships. When people have nothing better to do, they tend to gossip about your screw ups and mishaps. Don’t let it happen. Even when you’re doing well..keep pushing and celebrate with those who know you best. I’m a definite over sharer and this has probably been one of the most important things I’ve had to learn!
  • Save YOURSELF. Being alone with yourself and thoughts for a long period of time..you get tired of your own damn self. There is no one else in the world that is going to make things better for you BUT YOU!!! You have to make the better choices for yourself and find out who you really are and everything that is not you..you have to let go! This has been 100% the most important for me. Over the course of this pandemic I have learned to be alone and heal MYSELF on my own. Although it’s been a tough lonely road..I can finally say I do NOT feel guilty for the choices I make for myself NOW more now than I ever have..and I haven’t felt that way in a very LONG time.
  • Love those who love you and be present. This has taken me more time than to understand..I have commitment issues and still do. Not only with relationships but with future commitments and goals as well. Somehow I always make up scenarios in my mind as to why things that are seemingly going well..will never work out. Im working on be more present and enjoying what I have in front of me. (I do this thing really well where I just self sabotage everything!😩) This life is short..we don’t get a do-over!!! Take care of yourself for fuck sakes and enjoy the little things that are happening today because tomorrow just isn’t promised.

I’m not sure how many people will actually get to see this post, but if I can dig myself out of a dark hell anyone can!

As I sat in the park today with my kiddos enjoying the Mountain View’s I had to remind myself how very lucky I am to be their mother and I HAVE to be present for them.

Reading something positive each has really helped me in my personal growth. No, I am not just saying that…it truly has helped me become better and stay on the right path. I actually came across a book on amazon for a “Year of Positive Thinking” and thought it might be perfect for anyone who might need that extra push each day!

Give my Pinterest page a follow!

No “Normal”

For the full time camper travelling mom who has a mental breakdown at least three times a week…it’s going to be okay. Just breath and know you are doing your best.

But, lets be real.

Sometimes its not.

This lifestyle is not for the faint of heart, especially for us Empaths and very emotional mommas with one or more kids. Let’s not forget to mention the HUGE black cloud of “what if’s” from Covid and the constant worry of what is going to happen next?!

It is always the same battles we’re fighting each time we move to a new RV park.

  • Are we always going to home school or should we switch from school to school?
  • Wanting a real home for our kids with their own personal room space.
  • A “normal” life. (Trust me, there is no such thing.)
  • Is this way of life even right for my children?

Trust me, I have thought about the last one more than ANYTHING.

Despite all of the “what ifs” and heavy anxiety decisions here we are! Still trekking and travelling on. And do you know what the beauty of it is? We have experienced A LOT of “firsts” together as a family. The amount of breathtaking views and countless adventures we have been on together outweigh ANY anxiety I have had about my decision any day.

Making the decision to go full time on the road with my family has never come easy for me. (Surprise, surprise!) It has had its fair share of ups and downs. HEAVY on the downs. (That is a whole story in its own!)

I have never been one to share my feelings or allow anyone to shame the way I raise my children, but I want other mothers in a similar situation to know there ARE more of us!