That’s A Huge…BRIDGE!

(Catch my “Deuce Bigalo” pun!?)

So, since my husband has been working in Arizona, we have lived in Arizona and Nevada most of Covid (yikes). With all of the restrictions on things we hadn’t been able to see the Hoover Dam. Well, up until a couple weeks ago you couldn’t. And to be honest, I was perfectly content about not ever seeing it. I’m terribly afraid of heights…and bridges…something about falling to my death somehow or someway takes over me. Also, the whole dad suicide thing gives me the quivers as well.

Anyway, my husband had been religiously keeping up on when they will open back up to the public. He’s seen it before when he was younger and wanted to experience with us. Obviously I couldn’t hold him or the kids back from this once in a lifetime chance for a lot of people. Even me.

Well after sun screening the sh*t out of my face and kids, we were off on yet another Runge adventure.

Y’all, I made it up the stair walk and little informative tunnels up to the bridge and I was done. The noises of the flying passing semis and the thought of walking right beside it all consumed me. All of this..just to look over the side of one of the tallest dang bridges I’ve ever come across…stopped my mom britches in their tracks.

Yep. I chickened out. I did not go to the look over on the bridge AND I nearly held my daughter back from going as well. I’m not sure why but my anxiety about the heights made my mama heart think she was in danger and I told her to stay beside me. My poor baby cried because she wanted to go with her brother and dad. I knew my fears were irrational so, I stayed back and had the husband hold her hand tightly.

The pure excitement on my girls face when they came marching back to me was priceless. And to think she almost missed it because of my irrational fears…ugh. (Just one more reason to continue working on myself!)

The view from the bridge over Hoover Dam

We went ahead and finished up our day adventure by driving on down to the dam and taking the walk from the Nevada side down to the Arizona side. I must say, it was some of the most amazing views I had ever seen.

Though, I made sure to stay furthest from the sides of the wall to hinder my anxiety, I still took in the certain “awe” you get from being on and around something so massive.

All in all, the day was one for the books. My kids got to see some amazing structures and learn about the Hoover Dam. My husband got to finally check this off his to-do list and well I…I got the chance to be present and in the moment with them all.

My kids may not realize it but these are the memories and adventures I keep pushing myself for. The reason I wake up each day and try a little harder. I want these memories to be something they pull out to talk to their kids and grand children about.

I get a new chance every day to live in these moments. I am nowhere near where I want to be, but I am better than who I was yesterday, and she is a hell of a lot better than who I was just two years ago.

Bridge over dam that I did not walk on!
The dam looking down from bridge.
At least I got pictures with them on the dam!
My reasons for being better, taking in some awesome views.
My husband and I in front of the dam bridge 😉

Love the views? Check out this awesome drone that will ABSOLUTELY help you capture those amazing, breathtaking views.

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Top Three Personal Growth MUSTS for Better Mental Health

See, I’ve had a very “blah” last couple of days. I get this way often. But something was so different about the last three weeks that my mind had suddenly felt a little calmer..maybe even a peaceful place to be for now.

Today though, it was not one of the “good” days. My anxiety and negative thoughts got the best of me. I didn’t want to continue this writing or trying my hand at this blog thing at all. I told myself I was a failure and I’m not good at anything.

Today I don’t have a wild RV adventure to share with you. I spent my day pulling myself out of my funk by reminding myself how far I have come and why. So I decided to share what I wrote down in my notes folder in my phone that has helped me grow as a stronger person, mother and wife. Like I said it’s been one Hell of a ride.

  • Keep your personal and relationship issues to yourself. Unless you’re having a heart to heart with your best friend..never allow someone else to gossip about your hardships. When people have nothing better to do, they tend to gossip about your screw ups and mishaps. Don’t let it happen. Even when you’re doing well..keep pushing and celebrate with those who know you best. I’m a definite over sharer and this has probably been one of the most important things I’ve had to learn!
  • Save YOURSELF. Being alone with yourself and thoughts for a long period of time..you get tired of your own damn self. There is no one else in the world that is going to make things better for you BUT YOU!!! You have to make the better choices for yourself and find out who you really are and everything that is not you..you have to let go! This has been 100% the most important for me. Over the course of this pandemic I have learned to be alone and heal MYSELF on my own. Although it’s been a tough lonely road..I can finally say I do NOT feel guilty for the choices I make for myself NOW more now than I ever have..and I haven’t felt that way in a very LONG time.
  • Love those who love you and be present. This has taken me more time than to understand..I have commitment issues and still do. Not only with relationships but with future commitments and goals as well. Somehow I always make up scenarios in my mind as to why things that are seemingly going well..will never work out. Im working on be more present and enjoying what I have in front of me. (I do this thing really well where I just self sabotage everything!😩) This life is short..we don’t get a do-over!!! Take care of yourself for fuck sakes and enjoy the little things that are happening today because tomorrow just isn’t promised.

I’m not sure how many people will actually get to see this post, but if I can dig myself out of a dark hell anyone can!

As I sat in the park today with my kiddos enjoying the Mountain View’s I had to remind myself how very lucky I am to be their mother and I HAVE to be present for them.

Reading something positive each has really helped me in my personal growth. No, I am not just saying that…it truly has helped me become better and stay on the right path. I actually came across a book on amazon for a “Year of Positive Thinking” and thought it might be perfect for anyone who might need that extra push each day!

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No “Normal”

For the full time camper travelling mom who has a mental breakdown at least three times a week…it’s going to be okay. Just breath and know you are doing your best.

But, lets be real.

Sometimes its not.

This lifestyle is not for the faint of heart, especially for us Empaths and very emotional mommas with one or more kids. Let’s not forget to mention the HUGE black cloud of “what if’s” from Covid and the constant worry of what is going to happen next?!

It is always the same battles we’re fighting each time we move to a new RV park.

  • Are we always going to home school or should we switch from school to school?
  • Wanting a real home for our kids with their own personal room space.
  • A “normal” life. (Trust me, there is no such thing.)
  • Is this way of life even right for my children?

Trust me, I have thought about the last one more than ANYTHING.

Despite all of the “what ifs” and heavy anxiety decisions here we are! Still trekking and travelling on. And do you know what the beauty of it is? We have experienced A LOT of “firsts” together as a family. The amount of breathtaking views and countless adventures we have been on together outweigh ANY anxiety I have had about my decision any day.

Making the decision to go full time on the road with my family has never come easy for me. (Surprise, surprise!) It has had its fair share of ups and downs. HEAVY on the downs. (That is a whole story in its own!)

I have never been one to share my feelings or allow anyone to shame the way I raise my children, but I want other mothers in a similar situation to know there ARE more of us!

Who am I?

Hi all!!! Welcome to my chaotic, blissful crazy life on wheels!

I’m a 28 (forever 25!!) year old mom, wife, recovering addict and now trying my hand at this blogging life. Who knows who this will reach but my goal is to help any fellow struggling mother-camper out anyway I can. If my struggles or in depth mental health problems can help a mother in the same shoes…why the hell not?!

I started writing because my sober thoughts became much more meaningful to my life and staying positive has helped me stay sober.

I have never imagined myself writing about what the hell goes on in my day to day life, but something sparked a fire under my ass and well, here we are!

My life is full of sad stories, crazy roller coaster rides and years of addiction. But the one thing that has kept me sane is knowing I’m not alone in my battles, and sharing my story may just keep someone going.

As you can imagine I live in a camper with my two crotch goblins, sweet-bearded hunk of a husband and our senior Great Dane. (Doesn’t it sound dreamy already?!) But why write about it right?!

(My bearded man and said crotch goblins)

Because…THIS LIFE IS HARD. Plus, I know how stressful it can be during these crappy times (thanks COVID) and exactly how this type of lifestyle can drain you.

If you’re anything like me then you know there is a never ending battle with living on the road full time.

  • Schooling (to homeschool or go public)
  • New unknown places
  • Keeping up your mental health/ sobriety
  • Having enough space for everyone
  • The feeling of failing at motherhood