I’m not exactly sure when it all clicked for me, or what I was doing that day. But one day I finally felt a little better. If I had to guess.. it comes down to three simple things.

  • Have a positive influence. Having someone who sees what a beautiful human you are and truly knows there is something wonderful under all that chaos to be discovered. If you don’t have a “person” BECOME that person. Read something positive, give yourself pep talks, scroll through positive quotes on Facebook all day. Do whatever YOU need to have something positive in your life. Everyone needs someone to tell them its all going to be alright in the end. Thankfully I have two. My husband- whom I’ve let down more times than I can count, and my best friend- the one person who has been by my side through every stage of my crazy life.
  • Motivation. Why do you want to become better? What keeps you pushing and coming back for more in this world? What exactly is it that keep those feet sturdy on the ground and moving forward? For me, it will always be my children. Even when I made the worst decisions as a mother. The endless days and months I let them down. They still looked at me with loving eyes for guidance. That is my greatest motivation.
  • The Will. You have to have the will to to learn more. You have to realize you have been repeating the same actions over and over again and its getting the same crap results. The will to not only survive as a human but to THRIVE. My will had to be dug up from the very pit I buried it in. I had given up. Given up on myself, my marriage and my life. I thought I was already too far gone. It seemed like it wasn’t until I allowed myself to believe there was positive in my life, that I started to see change.

I’m no expert but I believe with everything in me that these are the very reasons I am who I am right now in this chapter of my life. When I finally allowed myself to let in the good and learn a new way of living is the day I started to enjoy the person I am becoming.



Sober. I can finally say I am sober.

Years of pretending to be sober or just a fun drunk seemingly destroyed my life.

It wasn’t just one thing, it was all of it. I wanted anything that would destroy my outlook on reality because I didn’t care.

Years I drank my self stupid. Every night alone I drank and used and made a fool of myself.

Why didn’t I see it then? Why didn’t I see the mess and chaos I was causing? The hurt in my children from having such a chaotic life with mom. The hurt in my husband from having this new unknown wife who is an addict and a liar.

I will never fully understand why I didn’t get tired of my bullshit sooner.

Maybe it was because I pretended to be sober for so long only to realize…people weren’t falling for my bullshit.

I got sober for no one but myself. I chose to have a healthier less chaotic life for my children. The pain in my husband and children’s eyes were never enough for me to be completely sober.

I needed to become so tired of my own bullshit and tired of “pretending” to find myself.

That’s where your life really begins again, when you let go of everything you’re NOT and allow yourself to slowly come back to the world.