I feel like I haven’t had much time lately to sit and truly express myself like I have been and last night something just pulled at my little heart strings and I knew I had to get it out.
My husband drinks. Every day. Like clock work. Yes, as a recovering addict this could be triggering but surprisingly, I do not crave alcohol as much as I craved my other drugs of choice. Maybe it is because hes my husband and that he is so good to me, that I hadn’t let it bother me much.
Recently my husband has been experiencing some slight health issues and of course my first thoughts are “you need to lose the friggin’ beer!” Oh, but how ironic of me right?! The same man who begged me for years to to put down the booze, not because of my health but for the sake of our family. And here I am preaching to him about the affects of alcohol. Sheesh.
My thought process was ‘how much better my mind and body feels being sober’, and that he would too. Besides that, if we do not learn and grow together there is always going to be miscommunication somewhere…right?! But look how long it actually took me to realize that on my own? Literally years.
It is quite different once the tables are turned. I mean, take my journey for example…Inpatient rehab, outpatient rehab, AA meetings and church was never even enough for me…what the hell are my words going to do for him?! I see now why there are so many different approaches to this. There is never really one good answer.
I have seen what alcohol seemingly does to the body. I sat and watched it turn my my strong independent mother into a frail, bed ridden, dying woman. Yet again, that was not enough for me to stray away from it. Sadly, that was just my beginning for a downward spiral with alcohol and drugs.
I have also seen the resilience in my husbands approach to steering me out of that life. He never gave up on me, and knew I was still worth being saved. I’ll be damned if I don’t return the favor, and help him become a better him. But how?!
Now I am nowhere saying my husband is anything like me. No, not at all. His behavior when he drinks never seems to change. He is not self destructive like I was. He doesn’t go out and ruin his life every time he drinks. And he still wakes up each morning (gets a little harder these days) and works his ass off. The kind of “drinker” I tried to be.
I often ask him if he has ever experienced some sort of “ah ha” moment or “awakening” in life and always get the same answer. “I’ve always been the same, just me.” I only ask because I hadn’t experienced this either until I really got sober. If only I could take what I have experienced with becoming sober and show him how much more peaceful it has made my mind become. I know persistence is key with him. Nagging probably doesn’t help, but man is that easy for me! haha.
Either way, I only want the best and to experience more of this crazy life with a happier and healthier husband. I guess deep down I always knew I wanted to help others with these struggles, who knew I would start right here at home.